here i am (or: something like clockworks)

Dezember 2022

here i am, undecided whether this is love, or a disaster
so empty, so empty, yet so full of bliss
a tragedy in only nine words,
because there's no one to -

(because you're not there)

here i am, making it a catastrophe,
when i was pretty sure it was love, just seven seconds ago

here i am, tangled in half-truths
i try to cope, i really do
but i just can't bring myself to mean the words
i can't bring myself to tell a lie

here i am, playing the victim, 
and you are a villain, dressed in pale blue
cause you can help me be,
but you can't help me see

here i am, hiding what i can't call a certainty -
how cold your lips felt,
like they stole your soul after all,
like you're still a villain, dressed in someone else's skin

here i am, trying to - becoming someone
but the truth is, this is who i really am:

here i am running

not out of words, but out of time
i'm running out of time

Jetzt

Ich möchte nicht mehr über sie schreiben. Noch viel weniger möchte ich für sie schreiben; ich brauche diese Worte nicht mehr. Nehmt sie, ihr könnt sie alle haben. Ich will nichts mehr davon.